I found a Word document on my husband’s computer this week that he wrote two days before he passed almost a year ago. It was only his updated work bio, but was saved as “bio-last” telling me he not only knew there would not be another one, but also expected I’d find it one day and would appreciate having all the facts so neatly packaged. It grabbed my heart again imagining him typing it up with such resignation and acceptance. In fact, so many little things have been coming to my attention as we near the holiday season with old traditions that have come to an end.
Doing Christmas cards is a hard one this year, signing just my name and not his. And decoraing was always exciting to me as I would love to do the big “tah dah”… and turn the tree lights on and see him delight in the vision. I have had to reign in the sadness so as not to upset those around me. My saving grace is my belief in the power of gratitude. I’m just so grateful for the fifty-four years’ worth of memories we had together. I’m so grateful for my family and friends who are there for me and have supported me throughout this very challenging year. I also have to make the effort to make new, positive and enjoyable traditions. Finding my joy again is worth the effort.
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