TALES FROM THE BOBBI LAMA

I hope someday I won’t still be tallying time…time he’s been gone and how long since we… (fill in the blank.) I know the grief from losing my “54-year person” has had some lessening recently, but the pity parties still happen…just less intense, for shorter periods of time, and less often…thank goodness. Yes, I’ll always miss him till my last day in the physical, and sometimes more deeply than others, but the grief has become more tolerable most days. His transitioned spirit has assimilated into my forward journey making the tapestry of me thicker and richer from my sharing of time with hm. I alternate between allowing the grief and changing the channel. I get busy distracting myself, finding friends and activities that bring me joy. Then, at other times, I’ll write in my journal how I’m coping with the losses. If I average them out, time passes and new norms start replacing the old ones making me feel okayish in those new moments. One example is watching tv alone at night. I’m getting used to that, but it did take a year and a half to stop expecting his shared response from whatever I’m watching.

Plus, I have now accepted he is with me in spirit, around me, in my energy space, in my memory and heart and merging with my soul. Once I do that, I am comforted that his presence feels more palpable. I discerrn his thoughts from mine as they suddenly pop into my mind in the form of a unique singular concept. It’s as if it invades the flow of my own thoughts that are then processing and passing through my linear thought stream. They stand out and feel delivered in his words, tone, and personality… quick, funny, and to the point…his style, not mine. If I didn’t have that comfort, I can’t imagine how I’d be doing now.

And lastly, I found that by journaling, I could read my progress. I flipped back over some of the entries in those first months, and saw that I almost couldn’t come up for air…always, always aware of that extreme sadness…haunting me by day and by dreams at night. And now I am past that. I have even written a book about his visits, his signs and his other sent messages that have given me such comfort, and the book has been accepted by a publisher. I’m excited about sharing that comfort with others, and happy to be able to say that it does get better. For that I have immense gratitude.